McCain Old, Getting Older
In the midst of the Super Tuesday excitement several of the Republican presidential candidates took time out from their exhausting schedules to comment on the age of Republican front-runner John McCain.
“I’m no spring chicken myself,” said Mike Huckabee, with a winning smile, “but at least I’m not John McCain. That guy has arteries harder than my tight, sculpted ass.” The once 280-pound Huckabee then proceeded to take his shirt off and wave it around his head while making wild whooping noises celebrating his miraculous weight loss.
Mitt Romney also chimed in, remarking, “look, while we were standing around here chatting about poll numbers that dinosaur added another few minutes to his already prehistoric age. Think he’ll kick the bucket before he publicly humiliates me by winning the nomination?”
Even libertarian Ron Paul got into the act, yelling at Senator McCain across a roomful of reporters, “hey geezer! Get me a snack from the nursing home cafeteria!” Observers noted that Ron Paul is not very clever.
Senator McCain took the comments about his advanced age with characteristic charm and good will. “When I’m president you’ll be sorry, m*****-f*****’s!” he said politely, waving his middle finger at a crowd of reporters before going for a light jog and a round of recreational electro-shock therapy.