Ultimate Male Endorses Hillary!
In a surprise move, yesterday infamous men’s magazine Ultimate Male declared their endorsement of Hillary Clinton. Founder and CEO Bill Britcherson held a press conference to explain their position. “When we sat down to decide which presidential candidate to support, we only had one question: who has the best knockers? Surprisingly, Hillary was the only one who had the necessary qualifications!” said Britcherson, accompanying his speech with vague but unmistakably lewd hand gestures.
When questioned about how this position fit with Ultimate Male Magazine’s usually misogynist positions, Britcherson responded, “we don’t have them fish around here.” But this did not mollify Ultimate Male’s critics.
Readers of the magazine, on the other hand, were uniformly enthusiastic. “Look there’s a Heineken keg flying out of a giant explosion!” said one man, handling his precious issue of Ultimate Male with care. “And check out the babe with the machine gun, framed artistically by a ferrari and a fighter jet! Totally freaking awesome!” cried another. Neither of the males were able to express an opinion on the political views expressed in the magazine.
As stated by Britcherson, it does seem clear that Hillary Clinton fulfills Ultimate Male Magazine’s number one principle: boobies=good. No word yet on whether her platform will accommodate numbers two, three, four, five and six: beer, guns, explosions, sports and selfish, uncommitted sex with no regard for the woman’s pleasure, but we’re all holding our breath.