Here is the proposed first paragraph for my creative essay project, tentatively titled “Irony: the Cookbook”
The Argentinean satirist Emilio Valverde, whose The Care and Maintenance of Wives remains a classic of misogynist literature (a genre whose admirers are few but whose followers are legion), once said, “it is the nature of women to vacillate indefinitely between beauty and honesty.” The phrase better applies to writers, especially when they are willing to invent an Argentinean chauvinist in order to secure a first sentence. Writers are scoundrels, as my mother could say after finding herself in this essay’s first draft, and as the real Emilio Valverde (a Dominican race-car driver) will discover, when he finds this essay—as I found him—by googling his own name. To write is to lie. Therefore I must contend (for my very survival) that irony consists in telling lies so blatant that they magically transform into the truth. This essay is about irony. Thus the lie. Thus also the doubling back upon the lie.
Ed. Note: Yes it will all be like this.